The 4 Main Parenting Styles and How They Influence Our Progression
Introduction
We hear children at a young age talk about their political beliefs and wonder where they learned them from. We observe their behavior and start to think about how they were taught to act that certain way. We look at the objects they own and ponder whether or not it was bought for them or if they earned it themselves. All of this traces back to two fundamental people: their parents.
As kids, we are first introduced to the world through the eyes of our parents. In most cases, who do our political ideologies line up with in young adulthood? Our mothers and fathers. Who teaches us manners and corrects us (or doesn’t) when we behave badly? Our mothers and fathers. Who shows us the value of money and approaches it in diverse ways depending on their social and financial status? Our mothers and fathers.
In the years that we reside with our parents, we are in our most vulnerable, developmental stage. It is clear that, in most instances, our parents have the strongest influence on how we are exposed to the world. It is evidently demonstrated that our parents have an effect on our psychological growth, depending on which parenting style they choose to exercise. With this research paper, I will be concerned with diving into the four main parenting styles: permissive, authoritative, neglectful, and authoritarian. I will be displaying how these four sway our progression as humans and who we become psychologically after having them be applied onto us.
Authoritarian Parenting
To begin, let’s take a look at authoritarian parenting. Its focal point is on being extremely strict and projecting an abundance of rules, great expectations, and boundaries onto the child, with a lack of receptiveness or open-mindedness. Dr. Dan Brennan discusses how its center revolves around discipline, rather than encouraging the child and focusing on more of a giving mindset. [1] It includes using power to enforce punishments and raising your voice extremely when the child needs to be corrected.
There is no room for praise or an acknowledgment of the child’s strengths/positive aspects. The word “obedience” is thrown around routinely, with high expectations on the child to follow every command with little space for error. The child is rarely exposed to positive reinforcement or reward. The phrase “Because I said so” is also regularly put to use in response to the child questioning the actions of the parent.
When the authoritarian parenting style is used, the effects tend to be negative. An article posted by Michigan State University says that children exposed to the authoritarian style gravitate towards a more aggressive way of communicating, while also feeling more socially awkward and unable to make decisions. [2] The child is more dependent on their parents. They tend to be more self-conscious and display low self-esteem, have trouble thinking for themselves, and later on in life, adopt their parents’ behavior.
For children that have already demonstrated behavioral issues, the authoritarian parenting style contributes to heightening these actions. Because of the lack of empathy that was exhibited by their parents, this demeanor is thrust onto the child as they grow. As indicated, the psychological impact is exceptionally subpar.
If a parent is not approachable or forthcoming about what their child wants emotionally, it can cause great psychological anguish. [3] When you force your child to do something without warmth, how do you think that will affect them? They will adopt great anxiety and fear of making a mistake, as well as overall unease. As they grow, these behaviors don’t just evanesce. These children can display this attitude for the rest of their lives, especially if the authoritarian parenting style isn’t shown as adverse to them later on.
Now, for the real question. Does authoritarian parenting work? Jen Lumanlan, a well-known psychologist and parent herself, had this to say: “Authoritarian parenting ‘works’ in that authoritarian parents tend to raise children who ‘tow the line’ and don’t ‘act out.’ But the child is most likely behaving in this way out of fear rather than because they have taken on their parent’s values as their own.” [4] This acts as an answer within itself, seeming to be more harmful than helpful.
Authoritative Parenting
Yes, the title is indeed similar to authoritarian parenting, but the differences are significant. This type of style establishes boundaries that their children must follow, but in a much more respectful manner. There is a healthy relationship between the parent and the child, with proper communication, affection, and compromise being demonstrated. The children of the authoritative parent don’t feel wary to ask questions, because their parents are willing to hear them. Discipline is still used, but in an encouraging way with a means to help them grow.
By using the authoritative parenting style, there is a balance of kindness and nurture, while letting the child know that there are still strict rules that need to be followed. Authoritative parents use more positive reinforcement than negative, which creates a stronger relationship between them and their children. [5] They let the child practice their individuality with regulations still present.
Children that are raised by authoritative parents tend to become more independent and cooperative. There is less backlash towards the parent because of the warm guidelines that have been set, with appropriate explanations behind them. Because of these healthy boundaries initiated by the parents, these children feel more prepared to think for themselves and become self-sufficient as they age. They also have a better sense of their emotions and emotional maturity, and can properly comprehend how to manage their feelings when approached with strenuous situations. [6] They also tend to demonstrate a happier demeanor.
According to Dr. Francyne Zeltser, authoritative parenting is the “most effective” style. They “allow their kids to make mistakes. This offers kids the opportunity to learn while also letting them know that their parents will be there to support them.” [7]
Permissive Parenting
The permissive style is just as it seems: a lenient way of approaching parenting. These parents are typically forgiving and demand very little of their children. An article written by Michigan State University says that these parents “look at their child as equal rather than children of a parent.” [8] They continue on to discuss how this can eventually lead to these adults feeling that it is an arduous task to even say no to their child, sometimes resulting in a fear of doing so. Presenting themselves as an authority figure is often not what occurs.
This particular parenting style does take more of a nurturing and loving approach. These parents are emotionally amenable when it comes to their children’s needs, imposing themselves as a friendly figure. As previously mentioned, the negatives relate to a lack of disciplining bad behavior. Without demands and limits being placed upon them, these children take on a mindset of simply doing whatever they want to do. “Children are impulsive, aggressive, and lack independence as well as personal responsibility, mainly due to the huge lack of boundaries.” [9]
When thinking of this parenting style, the word “indulgent” frequently makes itself known. Dr. Pamela Li says that in most cases, that word isn’t a good one. [10] Permissive parenting, though full of kindness, is seen as one of the “worst parenting styles.” With no boundaries to abide by, freedom reaches its limitations and boils over. Imagine someone never telling you “no” your entire life. When you finally do hear that word after you leave the comfort of your household, imagine how you would react. In frequent cases, the children who have grown up with a permissive parent don’t react well. For success, it seems there must be a balance of regulations and encouragement.
Neglectful (Uninvolved) Parenting
The last of the main styles is known as neglectful, or uninvolved, parenting. Originally proposed by psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin, say that these parents “are generally detached from their child’s life. They might make sure that their kids are fed and have shelter, but offer little to nothing in the way of guidance, structure, rules, or even support.” [11] They even continue on to say how they could even ignore their own child’s needs when the situation reaches extremities.
As we discussed in the permissive parenting style section, these parents offer support and kindness but no limitations. In the case of neglectful parenting, these adults offer neither. There are no constraints nor emotional support. “Uninvolved parents are neither responsive nor demanding.” [12] This is a particularly distant approach to parenting to a very extreme extent. There is no interest shown in the child’s personal endeavors, whether academic, emotional, etc.
The results of this parenting style are severe and plentiful. This includes: a lack of confidence and motivation, a full emotional range, mental disorders such as anxiety or depression, and many more detrimental traits. [13] Without a shown attentiveness from the parent, the child can feel isolated and alone in their own household. As these kids are in a massive developmental stage, they need more assistance from their parents, while also learning what and what not to do, hence the basic requirement of boundaries. The neglectful parenting style is full of negative connotations and should be avoided at all costs.
Conclusion
Those who have been exposed to the authoritative parenting style “tend to result in children who are happy, capable, and successful.” [14] With this consensus among others, it seems to be that the authoritative parenting style comes in first, while the neglectful parenting style comes in dead last. Though all children and their parents are different, and we can’t say for sure how each person will turn out, this evidence at least shows us what to expect when exposed to each strategy.
Each person reading this paper should take a look into their own childhood, and try to place themselves into a parenting style. Though we all might have unique snippets of each one, focus in on a specific technique. Was this a beneficial style that you look back on with nostalgia and love, or one that you severely wish you hadn’t been exposed to? If you were to become a parent, would you try to use the same approach that your parents did? How did this parenting style affect your mental health, success, and emotional range? Where did it place you today? Think about these questions as you finish reading, to be further contemplated when you possibly become a parent yourself someday.
My intention with this paper was to have each of us look back on how we were raised and provide some clarity. Though no parenting style is perfect, we now know how each of them severely influences us at our most developmental stage, and how we have grown in positive or negative ways because of them. Our parents raise us to become the humans we are today and if anything, we look to them for complete guidance. When we spend so much time with these people, how can they not critically impact our very being?
References
[1]https://www.webmd.com/parenting/authoritarian-parenting-what-is-it
[2]https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritarian_parenting_style
[4] https://www.scarymommy.com/authoritarian-parenting
[5] https://parentingscience.com/authoritative-parenting-style/
[6] https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritative_parenting_style
[8] https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/permissive_parenting_style
[9] https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/permissive_parenting_style
[10] https://www.parentingforbrain.com/permissive-parenting/
[11]https://www.verywellmind.com/parenting-styles-2795072
[12] https://www.parentingforbrain.com/uninvolved-parenting/
[13] https://www.parentingforbrain.com/uninvolved-parenting/